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Why You Should Separate to Save Your Marriage


When most married people hear the word “separate,” the one thing that inevitably follows in their mind is “divorce.” However, that doesn’t necessarily always have to be the case, provided both of you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage and avoid the stress and heartache that comes along with divorce. In some instances, the old cliché that absence makes the heart grow fonder can definitely hold a world of truth.

One of the first things that should be clear and agreed upon by both of you is the willingness and promise to uphold your marriage vows, regardless if you’re living together or not. Separating doesn’t mean seeing other people, as adding others into the mix is one of the surest ways to head straight for divorce court, unless, of course, you’re both completely in agreeance on this most serious of issues.

If either of you have the desire to date someone else, or have already been doing so, it’s usually going to take more than a trial separation to repair the damage to your relationship. The very last thing you want to do while giving your marriage one last chance is to be dishonest or cheat on your spouse, and just remember, withholding the truth is the same thing as lying, it’s just worded differently so people can justify their bad behavior to themselves.

Once you’ve agreed to the “rules” of your separation, as well as a reasonable amount of time, separating for the weekend or a few days simply isn’t enough, it’s time to focus on gaining a new perspective on your relationship, as well as your own shortcomings, which all of us have. Stepping away from the continual pressures and stress of everyday life, like the kids, the bills, and your jobs can give you both time to remember what it was that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

Through no fault of our own, we often begin to take the people we’re closest to for granted, including our spouses who are there at the end of the day and usually take the brunt of whatever has gone wrong. Marriage, unfortunately, doesn’t come with a manual to follow or step-by-step instructions as to how to handle all of the challenges you’ll be faced with as your share your lives together, therefore we have to look to each other for strength, dealing with life together.

If you seem to be having trouble communicating your feelings and emotions to one another without getting into a heated argument, consider turning to a professional mediator or marriage counselor for an unbiased, third point of view. Sometimes just hearing something from someone else, in different words, and from someone with no direct ties to either of you is enough to be jolted back into reality.

Don’t waste this pivotal time in your marriage by trying to place blame on each other, but instead, work together as a team to bring your relationship back to the way it was the day you married one another for better or for worse.

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Listed: August 24, 2008 5:53 pm