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The First Date – Making It Successful


Most people feel nervous before going out with someone for the first time. While each of us may be comfortable around our friends and loved ones, a first date is time spent with someone we don’t know. There is a lot of uncertainty. There may be personality conflicts. Or, we may embarrass ourselves during the date. In the end, most of our nerves come from lack of familiarity. That is, we don’t know what we don’t know. But, if we can control our nerves and plan ahead, we can more easily enjoy ourselves. Below, we’ll explain the importance of planning a first date, the art of conversation, and keeping an open mind about the future.

Planning A Simple Date

Typically, whomever asked the other person out on a date has the responsibility of planning it. A lot of people, men especially, plan extravagant first dates in order to impress the other person. It’s unnecessary. In fact, planning such a date can create an artificial sense of pressure on both partners.

Plan something simple to do that will leave plenty of opportunity to have a conversation. Lunch is great; movies are not. Visiting the zoo can be a good idea; a stage production is decidedly less so. The point of going out for the first time is getting to know each other. The only way to truly do that is by talking.

Being A Good Conversationalist

The art of conversation involves more than merely talking to someone. It is a “give and take” process whereby you are sharing things about yourself while giving your dating partner room to share, also. Too often, people on first dates either bombard the other person with a relentless monologue or they simply clam up. Remember, first dates are built upon conversation. It is the best way to share ideas, stories, and goals while getting to know each other.

That said, there are some topics that should be left for later. For example, there’s little value in talking about your past relationships. And discussing political or religious ideas may cause more harm than good on a first date.

Keep An Open Mind

Chances are, your dating partner won’t be perfect. Neither will you. And while first impressions are powerful, they may be misleading. For example, if your date seems distracted, it may not imply aloofness. It may be due to something that happened during that day. Keep an open mind.

What’s more, it’s unreasonable to expect your date’s long-term goals will perfectly match your own. For example, if your date wants two children and you want four, that is hardly a dealbreaker. Time spent together has a way of motivating people to modify their long-term goals.

Is There Potential?

The objective of going on a first date is to discover whether the potential exists for a romantic relationship. It’s likely that you are already attracted to the other person. Now is the opportunity to see whether there is more than mere attraction. Shared ideas, mutual interests, and similar goals can help pave the way toward enjoying each other’s company over the long-term.

First dates can be both nerve-wracking and rousing. The excitement of spending time with someone new can cause unnecessary pressure. By planning ahead, being a good conversationalist, and keeping an open mind throughout the date, you can enjoy yourself while gauging the level of mutual interest. Millions of successful relationships have begun the same way.

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Listed: November 9, 2008 8:08 pm