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Stop Forcing Him to Change for the Better


Want to make the relationship end quickly? Then tell your boyfriend the things you don’t like about him and tell him he shouldn’t do them again. Of course he says “Okay, if you say so”. Then he does the same things again, and of course you will tell him not to do it again and then again.

Before you know it, your boyfriend slowly stops listening and will say that he gets it already and that he doesn’t want to talk. Not talking makes you mad because you want to tell him what’s on your mind, right?

Anytime soon, when you get to this stage, your boyfriend will begin showing his face lesser and lesser to you. His time spent with you will be shorter and shorter until he finally disappears without telling you the real reason behind his disappearing act.

If you have gotten to this point in the article, then I know you can relate to that scenario above. At the back of your mind you ask what was wrong with your boyfriend, you just wanted to help him become a better person right? How dare he make it appear that leaving you was not his fault but yours.

You are hurt and understandably you will think that men who can’t accept correction are losers who can’t accept the fact that they needed to change themselves and be pleasing to you.

The sad reality is that for a relationship to be successful or not, it takes hard work from two people. If your relationship crumbled to pieces, all blame should not rest on your boyfriend alone for you are partly to blame as well.

It is common to commit mistakes, we all do. For men, it is not such a big deal for they think that mistakes are little things that do not need too much drama. You, on the other hand, criticize him all the time, blow things up out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. If he thinks those are little things then there is nothing you can do to make him think otherwise.

If you correct him all the time, he will one day believe that there really is something wrong with him. But the more he thinks about it, the more he does not understand what is wrong. Then his withdrawal from the relationship comes and then he leaves

The truth is that withdrawing from the relationship is your boyfriend’s way of coping with all this negativity in the relationship. He is not withdrawing to intentionally hurt you but this is the only way he knows how to cope up.

What is the moral lesson of the story? Don’t tell your man that you are just helping them change to be the best person they can be. Doing so would only result in a disaster.

You want him to love and accept you for who you are right? Then same is true with him. To keep the relationship growing, accept him for who he is as well.

aaron adams specialises in relationship matters for women. visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com for more relationship advice. find out the ten most dangerous mistakes you make with men – and what to do about it.

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Listed: September 3, 2008 9:53 pm