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Reasons to Consider Not Having Hookups in the City – …

As fun as it has been to watch Carrie Bradshaw and her friends living the wild and crazy life of gorgeous singles in the City, I have to wonder what it would be like to watch them having a visit with their gynecologist, psychologist and anyone else who might have their “best” interest at heart.

Somehow, the reality of sex (mentally, physically and spiritually) doesn’t quite make it to the big screen. I don’t suppose it would be as fun to watch Samantha romp in the hay with some hot stud, only to find out a week later that she got herpes from him, her heart broken or became pregnant, do you?

Before you have sex in the city… or the country, you might want to consider these facts:

#1. Four out of five people have an STD

There are over 25 different types of sexually transmitted diseases and four out of five people have one of them! By the age of twenty five, fifty percent of men and women already have a sexually transmitted disease and many of them do not even know it!

Herpes is the most common STD in America. A reported 45 million American adults and adolescents have genital herpes — that’s 1 out of every 4 to 5 people. If you have herpes or know someone who does, you know how awful the outbreaks can be, not to mention the embarrassment of having to share this fact with every future love interest you meet.

The HPV virus is also one of the most common STD’s these days and it infects at least 50% of all people who have sex at some time in their lives. Often, people don’t have any symptoms and the one carrying it would have no idea they are passing it forward, so to speak. Yet, symptoms or not, this dangerous STD can lead to cervical cancer or cancer of the anus or penis if not monitored.

Other STD’s include Hepatitis B, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and AIDS.
Getting an STD is very likely and it isn’t sexy. It’s serious and it’s dangerous.

Obviously using a condom each and every time that you have sex is a must! Even at that, you can’t prevent every STD… so it is also important to have an open and honest talk with your partner before you engage in any type of sexual intimacy.

#2. Women are more likely to get emotionally involved after sex than men

It’s true, there are times in most women’s lives where they can have casual sex and not necessarily care if the guy calls them the next day or not… and a random one night stand or a friend with “benefits” is probably reality for many single women these days.

But, let’s face it… in general – most women are engaging in sex to fulfill that deep intimacy and closeness that makes us feel that we are loved, cared about and accepted.

This desire to have a partner in our lives that wants and loves us is natural! It almost seems as though admitting that these days is somehow showing that we, as women, are weak.

On the contrary, this desire to want an emotional attachment is part of what makes the female gender wonderful! Biologically speaking, the fact is that the hippocampus – the site of the brain that stores emotions is larger in women than it is in men. This is also the part of the brain that stores memory.

It makes sense then that if your emotions are higher during great sex and your memory of the great sex lingers on… it’s nearly biologically impossible to not “feel” more than your male counterpart.

Being able to love, show emotions and linger on those feelings is part of being a woman. Instead of discounting it, turning yourself off or wishing you could act more like a man in bed, perhaps you should accept that you are a woman and consider more closely whether someone you are considering sleeping with is worthy of your emotional investment.

#3. You could get pregnant

I think it’s fair to say that the primary intention of sex is procreation. Having sex to create life is natural to every living creature on the planet (except of course for those who lay eggs and operate in less complicated manners of sexuality). The emotional and physical pleasure we receive from sex is simply an additional benefit that makes us want to procreate.

If you truly do not want to procreate, then you need to really make sure you are using a safe form of birth control or you are abstaining from sex all together.

While no form of birth control, except abstinence, is 100% effective, you might want to really consider the consequences of having sex with someone that you would not want to parent your child.

In other words, if this person was the last person on the earth… would you want to have a child with him/her? If your answer is, “no way”… I would say the sex isn’t worth the risk!

#4. Too Many Partners Could Lead To Low Self Esteem

Having sex with someone demonstrates acceptance of them, completely and without judgment – even if only for that brief period of time.

When you have sex with another person, you are showing them that they are desirable. They are showing you the same thing. The cellulite on your thighs (that are way too big to being with), are no longer an issue (at least for the moment). The fact that your breasts are smaller than your little sister …who is ten, doesn’t seem to be a factor either. During the act of sex, you feel beautiful, accepted and wanted.

When you have sex with someone that you consider “hot,” it makes logical sense to think that you are “hot: too. Why not? Certainly, like begets like, right?

For the moment, and perhaps a lingering few days later… all of this positive self esteem feels great. But what happens when he doesn’t call you? What happens when you realize that you have slept with twenty five men and still don’t have a relationship? What happens when the thrill of the moment is gone and you find yourself alone still with your cellulite and small breasts?

If you are using sex as a way to increase your self esteem, you need to re-think… your think.

A better way would be to learn to love yourself for the person that you are. Are you thoughtful, loving and kind? Do you work hard and treat others fairly? Are you honest and responsible to your obligations? Do you believe that these qualities will bring love into your life? I do!

Loving too many others (literally with sex) can lead to poor self esteem. Loving yourself,(flaws and all) leads to positive self esteem which radiates to everyone that you meet. There is nothing sexier!

#5. Having Sex Too Soon Can Ruin A Relationship

While having great sex at the beginning of a relationship can be a wonderful thing… it can also be the very thing that leads to an all too abrupt ending.

You’ve heard it before, “Sex changes everything.” Primarily, it can change the expectations you have for the relationship. Perhaps now that you are engaging in sex with someone, you expect that they call every day.

Perhaps you expect that they do not date anyone else. Perhaps you expect that they ask you out for the weekends. Perhaps you have taken this “sex” thing a little too far and assumed that it means you are in a relationship. Guess what? It doesn’t!

On the contrary, these expectations and hurt feelings can often prohibit men and women from developing a relationship with someone that might have been “the one”… had they just been more patient.

The truth is that a relationship does not begin until you have bonded with the other person. This, my friends, takes time. Usually, it takes more time for men to bond than for women – but this is not always the case.

Once you bond with someone over time – you get to know them, care about how they feel and have an opportunity to be vulnerable with them. You are able to show your flaws and know that it is safe to do that because you are being accepted for who you are.

Once you get to this level, it is safe to have sex because you have had time to develop the relationship and considered expectations. The great sex with someone who loves you will be well worth the wait!

When the timing is right, expectations are set, bonding has occurred, and falling in love is taking place… sex in the city or the country can be a great thing!

(Originally published on Jackie Mahaney’s blog and reprinted with her permission).

jackie mahaney is a dating

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Listed: August 9, 2008 1:53 am