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Our Heart’s Achilles Heel: Eagerness

One of the most natural desires of life is to find and settle down with that special someone. But as we search for that special someone it is critical to remain patient through the dating process. Otherwise, if we become eager rather than patient, our judgment can become clouded as we focus more on achieving the “idea” of a romantic connection rather than focusing on a real connection. Many relationship pitfalls can be avoided if we avoid becoming eager.

When we are eager to make that romantic connection rather than patient with the process, one result is that we can end up falling in love with the notion of being in love instead of actually being in love with the other person. For example, if we compromise our standards or expectations to make a romantic connection we are then more focused on the “idea” of love rather than being “in” love. It would seem that one could not truly love someone that would cause them to accept something less than their heart’s true desire. Though there may be qualities of a person you like, it is important to recognize that you have become more focused on the idea of love. If you have compromised your standards or ignored certain qualities that would normally have the utmost importance to you, you have fallen in love with the idea, not the person.

Remember, there is no rush. If someone does not possess all the important characteristics you are looking for, wait patiently for someone who does. Do not settle in because you are eager to settle down.

Another pitfall of becoming eager is that we may easily fall in love with someone because we have general or vague requirements. There are lots of funny people out there, attractive people, nice people, and yes, people who like the same music and movies as you do. But these “credentials” are not the basis for a relationship; they are just the icing on the cake.

You haven’t made a real romantic connection with someone if the relationship is based on these relatively insignificant qualities and because you are able to tolerate one another. In other words, do not think you have finally found your one true love as soon as you meet someone that shares the same simple common interests as you and you both get along.

Love is much deeper than saying we like “these” same things and calling it a day. It is about sharing and connecting your deep passions and beliefs. That takes time and patience to find.

So how do you combat eagerness?

Keep a long-term perspective in mind.

This does not mean it is going to take “forever” to meet Mr. Right. The goal here is a lasting relationship, not a rushed one that fulfills immediate needs and could falter over time. It may take months, it may take years to discover that special someone. But, patience is the key if you want to ensure that a relationship is created in good judgment.

Remember, it is not the timeline that is important; it is the quality of the relationship and its resilience. In this day and age, the quality of the relationship cannot be underestimated. Eagerness can become the Achilles heel if you do not stay focused on your ultimate goal; genuine love and admiration for the love of your life.

kim wiederholt is the author of “dating a liar, a cheater, and a jerk.” to learn more about kim, her work, or to join her email list, visit café gab. to view her blog, visit author kim wiederholt.

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Listed: September 8, 2008 9:53 am