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My Husband Will Not Help With the Children – 5 Tips …


When two people get married, they enter into a bond of love and friendship around which they pledge to build their lives together. The bond of matrimony means the sharing not only of their feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams – but also the running of a household together.

Inevitably, managing a household as a team requires a shared sense of responsibility about many things. Household responsibilities typically include making money, managing the budget, doing the shopping, cleaning the home, and doing other chores in and around the home. And if the couple has children, of course: raising their kids in the best, most responsible way they know how.

The specific way that every couple chooses to divide and conquer these various ongoing household responsibilities varies tremendously from one to the next. In fact, there is no single “right way” to decide who does what.

The important thing is to focus less on determining what is “right” according to some outside rule or authority and more about on the couple mutually agrees upon. This is why it is particularly hard for wives who feel that their husbands are not doing enough around the house or helping out with the children. There is no written rule about who should shoulder that responsibility, and this fact makes it harder to convince the husband that he is not doing his share.

If you are saying, “My husband will not help with the children,” here are 5 tips for motivating him to help out around the house:

1. Set aside a special time to talk with him:
As his wife, you probably feel a certain level of frustration about your belief that your husband is not doing his share of helping out with the kids. While you have every right to feel frustrated, coming across as angry or nagging will probably not do much to further your cause. In fact, it could have the opposite effect to what you want.
What you need to do is to create a special time and place for the two of you whereby you can bring this up to him. One idea would be making a special dinner for two at home (without the kids around). Doing this will bring to his attention that this is a very important issue to you.

2. Let him know how much you value all the things he does for you:
As you start the dialogue with your husband about this, start by recognizing his own contribution to your family. Whether or not you feel he does his share, it is likely that he does one or more things to help out. Whether it be finances or chores or cleaning, find something that you appreciate about him and voice that to him. Doing this sincerely will take him off the defensive and make him more ready to listen to your needs.

3. Share with him your needs for helping out with the kids:
Now, do not assume anything about what he should or should already know about how you feel. Just start from the beginning and let him know that you would greatly appreciate it if he could help out more with the children.

4. Position your request in terms of how it will benefit him:
As you tell your husband your needs, explain it not only in terms of how it will help you, but also how it will benefit him. Remember, like it or not, everyone is a salesman in some area of our lives. An example: by your husband helping out more with the kids, you will have more energy for (fill in the blank: [cleaning, cooking, sex, watching TV together, etc.].).

5. Tell him you would like to improve the overall harmony and happiness in your household:
Finally, let your husband know that you believe your marriage could use a bit more happiness and harmony. Remember that the happier you are as a couple and the closer you feel to each other, the less you will have to work at getting him to cooperate. It will come more naturally.

Follow these 5 tips to get your husband to help out more with the children.

Cooperation between husband and wife begins with a harmonious and happy relationship. Get expert relationship advice from someone who has helped thousands of married couples find the loved again at: Find The Love Again.

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Listed: December 8, 2011 8:03 pm