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Make Him Listen Again

The first few dates in a relationship are all sweet and blissful. You and your partner have endless conversations, special dates, and wonderful experiences together. But then one day he changed into something very different. You spend less and less quality time together and tend to avoid talking about emotional topics, even becoming irritable when you do. You begin to wonder if he’s still the same man you used to date.

Don’t worry, 99.9% of couples go through this stage. It’s not because the men have changed – it’s just that men are psychologically and emotionally different from women.

Men are not used to opening up and showing their true emotions to others, as this is not normally seen as a “manly” feature. And so they tend to bottle everything up inside, unlike women who can all too easily say what they want and do what they feel like doing. This trait clashes with that of the men.

If the woman pries and digs deeper into the man’s psyche, she will be met with hostility and arguments. She would then turn leave it as that, not wanting to have a full-blown fight with him. This results in an invisible barrier between the couple – a communication gap. If you encounter this barrier in your own relationship, and at the same time deny its existence, it will eat away at your relationship.

This communication gap should not be seen as a dead end in a relationship. Some couples continually argue about the lack of communication, and they usually end up drifting apart. But there are a lot of other couples who went through this stage had survived and came out stronger.

So what are the ways to break the barrier and make him listen?

Acknowledging the importance of both parties gives a positive outlook on where the relationship is going. All you have to do is have a different approach in overcoming the problem.

Always remember that what you say is not nearly as important as how you say it. You have to “re-engage” your man by breaking his old patterns of withdrawing and make him more open and emotionally present, especially when you need him the most. This can be done by talking in his language – or, put simply, communicating with him in his context.

If you’re observant enough you’ll notice a lot from his ways and patterns. You’ll discover how he reacts on some things, how he behaves on certain situations, etc. Through these, you can learn his fears and his intimate secrets even without him telling you. Once you know these patterns, you can change your own ways of approaching him so he can relate more to you. And when you succeed in making him listen to you now, he can better communicate to you as well.

Simply talking to your guy in his language can make a lot of difference for him to open up and understand your side of things. But if you can’t make the effort or you believe he doesn’t deserve the change, then you know where your relationship will end up – because chances are he won’t be the one to fill the communication gap.

aaron adams specializes in relationship matters for women. visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out how to communicate with emotionally distant men.

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Listed: May 7, 2008 12:11 pm