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Loving Yourself First


Is your heart scarred from all the heartaches from your failed past relationships? No matter how many relationships come and go, it seems that you’re becoming less and less inclined to take the men who come into your life seriously. It doesn’t even matter if they are very attractive and close to perfection – you just feel that a satisfying relationship is hard to come by.

This is perfectly acceptable, as this may be your way of licking your wounds. If you got hurt in the past, especially in your first relationship, then the normal reaction would be to run as far away as possible at the first sight of another possible hurt. The sad thing about this is that by being too careful, you may have associated love with the heartache you’ve experienced in the past. By coping this way, you may have unwittingly become afraid of loving as well. So every relationship that comes your way becomes less and less satisfying. If this manner of coping continues, you may never find that special relationship that you’ve been longing for.

What then should be your next step towards healing?

The answer is to love yourself again. Loving yourself is the most important step on the road to healing. There’s nothing you can do to change the past, so let go of it and embrace the blessings that the future has in store for you.

This may be easier said than done in the beginning, because there’s always that little voice inside you. It’s the same voice that warns you when you’re in danger of getting hurt again. But you need to realize that this voice can actually help you get into the relationship you’re looking for. The secret lies in not drowning out the voice, but by accepting and learning to love it.

Try this. Walk towards a wooden table at your home. Touch it with all the love that you can muster and say out loud:

“Table, I realize that you once lived in a beautiful forest. You did nobody harm, and yet you were cut, sawed, pounded, pressed and made into the table that you are now.”

“I am sorry that you had to go through all that. So let me take this opportunity to express my gratitude for everything that you’ve let me enjoy because of your sacrifice. You were always there for me when I needed you. For all the things you do for me, I thank you. I promise that I’ll always remember what a beautiful tree you once were.”

If you cry after doing this exercise, don’t worry – it’s the same humbling experience you feel when you mend relations with an old friend. This is something you can do with the voice inside you as well. Always remember that this voice means well and only wants the best for you. So appreciate it instead of suppressing it. Have you ever thanked that voice for protecting you? Learn to love it, and ignore it no more.

Others may find this exercise silly, but remember that when you’ve found peace inside yourself, peace with everything else will follow. When you’ve achieved this kind of peace, you’ll be able to find that satisfying, long-term relationship you’ve been waiting for.

are you afraid of being single forever?

aaron adams specialises in relationship matters for women. visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com for more relationship advice.

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Listed: December 27, 2008 8:08 am