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Life Plan For Love: Dealing with Romantic Rejection


Rejection is probably the hardest part of dating. You put yourself out there, show you’re interested, even let someone get to know you, and then they turn you down. It’s tempting just to stay home.

Here’s the thing, though: you can’t stay home. Rejection is tough, but it’s tougher to be alone for the rest of your life. You have to risk rejection to find acceptance. So how do you move on?

The first thing you have to realize is romantic rejection isn’t personal. Well, sometimes it is, and in those cases you should move on to the next paragraph. In the vast majority of cases, your rejection says nothing bad about you.

You may be rejected because you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. Women say “it’s not a good time” as an excuse, but often it’s true.

Or your timing for asking someone out was bad; or the location. (Funerals are bad occasions; generally speaking, so are carwashes.)

You may also be rejected because you just don’t fit. I know, he’s hot, but face it, you work with horses and he hates animals. That’s his problem. Don’t make it yours.

Second, sometimes rejection is your fault. If you go up to a woman, as John Nash did in A Beautiful Mind, and say, “I want to have intercourse with you,” the odds of a favorable reception are not good.

In those cases, use your rejection as an opportunity to improve your dating skills. How are you putting yourself across? What are you doing wrong? Don’t whine about your bad luck; be proactive and fix it.

Third, turn to your friends. People love you. True, you were looking for a different kind of love, but that’s no reason to turn your friends away. Your friends know you well. They can see you’re loveable and attractive.

Fourth, take care of yourself. Whether you’re dealing with the rejection of a stranger at a bar or your partner’s cheating, you’re not going to be helped by taking your feelings out on yourself. Sleep, eat well, and exercise. I know bodily care is an unromantic response to the tragedies of life, but it really will help. Especially the exercise. And maybe you can meet someone new at the gym.

Fifth, don’t let rejection interfere with your life. Continue to pursue your goals. Whether you’re single or not, you need to follow your own interests. A partner is no substitute for a self. Also, having a strong, independent life is one of the surest ways to attract a stable partner.

And finally, eat chocolate. Be happy! You’re not going to move on by moping. Eat gummy bears if you have some freakish aversion to chocolate.

Everyone has been rejected in love. (Let’s hope so, anyway. If we have to go through it, everyone should.) Rejection is just part of the romance game. Move on. Attraction and acceptance are part of the romance game, too.

katherin scott, the dating coach, author and speaker coaches worldwide and teaches seminars to help people empower themselves to find love and happiness. access free downloads, articles, assessments and katherin’s ezine at http://www.katherinscott.com.

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Listed: January 13, 2009 12:08 pm