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Is This the New Life Model Paradigm: Marriage, Family, …


Given the undeniably high probably of a new marriage ending in divorce, it is hard today to engage in the marriage process without me thinking about divorce. First of all, I have already been affected by the social influence of divorce with it being all around me and because of this I could never embark in marriage process with out some reasonable plans of escaping the affects of divorce. Second, I feel the thought of orienteering family life without a compass to guide me through some sort of a marriage mental map absolutely alarming. Third, I have prepared myself for the looming possibility of divorce by significantly altering my perception of both marriage and my ideal mate. Knowing this world can be so uncertain and unstable, I have to find some certain emotional stability when planning for the future.

First of all, I have already been affected by the social influence of divorce with it being all around me and because of this I could never embark in marriage process without some reasonable plans of escaping the affects of divorce.
Some estimates say that over half of all children in the U.S. today live apart from one of their biological parents before they leave home. I have felt the effects of this very statistic as my mother and father divorced and remarried each other once.

The only reason they never divorced again is because when I was 17 my dad called me and told me he couldn’t go through another divorce and shot himself while I was on the phone with him. I was hospitalized for a few months with severe depression.

I can’t say this made me think about divorce until 5 years later when my girlfriend of three years left me and I botched an attempt at suicide. Since then there is not a single day I have not thought about how could I cope with divorce.

Second, I feel the thought of orienteering family life without a compass to guide me through some sort of a marriage mental map absolutely terrifying.

If a person does not have some sort of a vision of what they are trying to move toward, how does one go about achieving this goal? My own personal problem is the only family I have ever known, I have come to terms with as being dysfunctional, so how am I suppose to build a family based off my own perception?

I am a goal oriented person, so I must have some sort of a pattern to try to follow or attain. If I don’t have some direction how can I know when I’ve arrived at having a successful family? These questions and more are just demonstrating my fears orienteering marriage.

Third, I have prepared myself for the looming possibility of divorce by significantly altering my perception of both marriage and my ideal mate.

I did not date anyone for over 5 years because of my attempted suicide and spent much time rethinking what marriage should be. I decided I will no longer just follow my feelings when I get in involved with some girl because I want my life to amount to more than an emotional train wreck.

I’ve concluded I have to be able to be happy independently of anyone, because what if my wife did leave me or died? I’m also back to the drawing board about what marriage is for me and what type of person I should date.

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Listed: January 28, 2012 12:03 pm