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Is Honesty the Best Policy?


Honesty is the best policy. That is a mantra that many live by and almost all of us have heard it at some point in our lives. But do we really believe in it or is it just something we say? Is being honesty a thing of the past? Do we live in an era where cutting corners and not being honest rule our lives?

I have lived the last year of my life being honest. Sometimes it has worked for me and sometimes it has not but I’ve done it just the same. I was forthright with a woman sometime ago and she told me that I should probably not tell as much. I was like really? “Thought y’all women wanted an honest man?” Well I took mental note of her advice…didn’t use it but I listened. LOL. Some will say they want a man who is honest and forthright yet when confronted with such a man…they may question things said or it becomes too much and they move on. One of my partners feels that you don’t need to tell a woman everything, not be dishonest, just don’t tell her everything. Guess you can say the situation dictates.

I do believe there must be honesty. When a person is honest, it creates a level of comfort for them and their partner. It creates intimacy and true intimacy is in the moment honesty, being comfortable enough that you can be open and honest with your partner; knowing fully well they will accept you…no matter what.

I went out with a lot of women in the last year and have been honest with them all; though some may not agree. I had met a female on match and grew quite fond of her. But we did have one fundamental difference in opinion in one particular area. I don’t believe in placing all of my eggs in one basket, in short I choose to date until I’m sure that the individual is the one or until we have “the talk.” She on the other hand, did not. So after making my view clear, I simply chose to leave it at that. I figured I had made it clear how I felt and that I was not going to change my stance. Shawty, a good friend of mine made a very good point the other morning when we talked. She said I have the ability to think about things without my emotions. She is very correct and I have used that in my dating. I even had another friend question my “selection” process because it sounded cold or emotionless. She said I sounded like I was willing to settle.

Well my lady friend and I talked a lot and she came out to meet and see if there was any chemistry. There was, so much that I went out to spend x-mas with her since my ex had our kids. Well long distance relationships are tough to maintain especially when you have nothing but phone contact. Well linking up became difficult and around the beginning of the New Year we had an argument and for me…it was a flag. We just seemed to argue more and didn’t connect as we did prior to x-mas. In the end we never recovered. I was honest about what I wanted from a relationship and so was she, but after two failed marriages, I simply choose not to compromise on what I want; that included being honest. So we went back to that fundamental difference and she wanted to change I however felt that it was a difference that you can’t change. What you believe is what you believe and is a core value. Core values do not change.

Now there is one thing I don’t think you should ever be honest about…and that’s cheating. Now, this is requires emotionless conceptual thinking from this point forward. So think about what I’m about to say and try and do so without emotions. Cheating and then coming clean doesn’t do anything for anyone except the cheater. It gives them some relief and it allows them to clear their conscience while the party that was cheated on is typically devastated. Why do they get to use the “honesty play” to get the weight off their back? I think this is one case where lying is a must and should be implemented at all cost. I mean you did the dirt…you should have to live with the consequences of your actions. If it haunts you…then good, it should do just that. So is honesty the best policy? How much honesty do you give and when is it ok to be dishonest? Those are questions that only you can answer.

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

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Listed: December 24, 2011 4:03 pm