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How to Love the Spouse You Hate


There are plenty of people out there who hate their spouse. I’ve been married for 24 years myself, and I love my wife more today than I ever could imagine when we first got married. She’s my absolute best friend in the world.

Virtually every person who gets married loves their spouse at first, but something goes wrong for at least half the marriages in the U.S. They ‘fall out of love,’ divorce, and many end up hating each other.

The divorce rate is sky high in many countries around the world. If only spouses who are considering divorce would go through the process I call “Loving the You Hate.” The process can work with anyone or anything – your job, your boss, even your mother-in-law, by transforming your hate to LOVE. It’s ridiculously simple and contains just 10 questions or steps. Now, let’s look at the process from the perspective of “how to love the spouse you hate.”

The Process

1) Why would it benefit you to love the spouse you hate?

2) What is one thing you like about yourself?

3) What is one thing you love about yourself?

4) What is one nice thing you can say about your spouse?

5) If you liked one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

6) If you loved one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

7) If you loved your spouse, what would you do for him/her?

8) By what date will you do #7 above?

9) Now take action and DO what you wrote in #7.

10) After doing what you wrote in #8, how do you feel about the spouse you hate now?

The process begins with you identifying why it would be beneficial to love the spouse you hate. You need to have a good reason why you would benefit from transforming your hate to love.

The transformation process continues by asking you to write nice things about yourself. Why? Because if you don’t love yourself, it’s difficult for you to love others.

You then continue with a systematic method of finding answers about what’s good about your spouse. The process leads to the very important question of what you would do for your spouse if you loved him or her. It’s then, by actually doing what you identify, that you’ll develop a love for your spouse.

It’s been said that it’s impossible to hate someone you do a kindness for. Think for a moment why this simple statement is so loaded with truth.

I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a marriage counselor. I’m just practical. I’m approaching this with a practical process I’ve discovered what actually works (and even works miracles sometimes) in helping people LOVE the spouse (or job, or mother-in-law, or what or whomever) they hate.

The potential is always there to slip into feelings of hate for those we love the most – our spouses, families and others. We need to be aware that those incredible, wonderful feelings of love we have for another – like the love we feel at the time we get married — have the potential to turn into bitterness and hate. Look at the many couples that get divorced and end up absolutely hating their former spouse. It’s heartbreaking. That’s why it’s so important to ask yourself the right questions, to look for the good in others – especially your spouse and family – always, and to love and grow rich in your relationships!

how do you really feel about your spouse? to find out, get the free love and grow rich community newsletter at http://www.loveandgrowrich.com. tim paulson is the author of the exciting new breakthrough book love and grow rich!

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Listed: July 31, 2008 1:53 pm