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How To Get Back Together With Your Ex – The First 2 …


For even the toughest of us, breaking up with a partner, at any level of a relationship, is a saddening experience. But it is even more heart wrenching if you are not fully convinced that the relationship is truly over, and are wondering whether you can get back together with your ex. Such doubts, as long as they’re not put to rest, will never let you heal from the break-up. So even if there’s no chance, you should give the idea a shot.

Is it truly possible to get back together with your ex? No friend or relationship counselor can give you an exact answer, because each relationship is unique and so are the reasons why it ended. But a lot of people have broken up and got back together again, so it’s certainly not impossible. You have to figure out if it’s possible in your case!

How can you do this? Firstly, sit down and make an honest assessment of the kind of relationship you shared, and whether the effort to get back to it will be worth. Be truly honest with yourself. It may hurt and humiliate you, but it will eventually save you from hurt and humiliation later. Was the break-up an act of impulse, or was there something deeply wrong with the relationship? Had your boyfriend or girlfriend stopped loving you? Was there cheating involved? If they did something wrong, are you ready to forgive it? If you did something wrong, are you ready to make up for it until you’re forgiven?

If there was a disagreement between the two of you, are you willing to make a compromise and go on with the relationship? The break-up would not have changed your ex as a person, so remember that you’re trying to go back to the same relationship with the same person, make sure you have the necessary points covered. After doing this, if you still think you should get back together with your ex, go ahead to the next step.

The second step is to make yourself look like you don’t need your ex back to survive. An ex-boyfriend or girlfriend comes back only if they think that they need you again, not because you cannot live without them. So give them that space to miss you. Don’t call them too often. Don’t wallow in depression. If you used to spend a lot of time with them, find yourself new hobbies and activity partners to fill that time.

This works in two ways: if your ex still needs you, it will give them the required loneliness to figure that out; and if your ex really doesn’t need you and you are not destined to get back together with your ex, you will eventually have wasted less time worrying over them.

New hobbies and friends will also help you figure out if you really need your ex back in your life. Sometimes we miss people only because they had become a comfortable habit. Changing your habits will make you realize if you miss your ex for the unique person they are, or just the habit they had become. New interests will also make you new friends, and who knows if you find your next, more compatible partner among them!

After all this, if you still want to get back together with your ex, you will have to depend on honesty and hope. Talk to your ex frankly, discuss your chances of getting back together and the compromises both of you might have to make. Don’t hurt them in return of the hurt they’ve caused you, don’t emotionally blackmail them by begging, and don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, because that will only make you break up again. If nothing else, you’ll end up winning a friend who has known you closely and you’ll live with the assurance that you had tried your best!

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Listed: December 3, 2008 4:08 pm