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How To Break The Ice With A Beautiful Stranger

There she goes, another beautiful woman you’d love to go out with – in line at a Starbucks, sitting alone down the bar from you, walking down the sidewalk, waiting for a bus, getting out of a taxi, stepping into an elevator with you right before the doors close.

How do you strike up the kind of conversation that could lead to getting her phone number and maybe even a first date?

Approaching and picking up women. Some guys can do it like there’s nothing easier, others are so riddled by anxiety and uncertainty they’d sooner face a firing line than let word one escape their lips.

How do you become more like the first type of guy and stop being so much like the second? What can you do so that the next chance you get to meet a beautiful woman isn’t just another in a long line of missed or self-sabotaged opportunities?

Do it Alone

First of all, the best time to approach a woman is when you both are alone. Women generally go out in groups, a scenario that provides them a sense of safety and comfort, but that makes it virtually impossible for any man to break through that barrier to strike up a meaningful conversation.

Likewise, when you’re out with your buddies, women take note, and while the presence of your friends may give you the artificial ego boost that you need to get off your butt and approach her, it also can make her feel like she’s in the hot seat. The problem on both sides of this equation is that, with friends around, you both are in your comfort zone. And your comfort zone is one of the worst places from which to make something new happen.

When she’s alone and you’re alone, however, you’re both on equal footing. You’re both more vulnerable, more likely to be yourself (rule #1 for dating in general, not to mention all of life). Neither of you have that safety net of friends to fall back on, and neither of you have a peanut gallery feeding your head with their opinions of what you should or shouldn’t do. Your guard is down and so is hers. All this gives you the best chance of making an authentic first impression, the best chance you have of discovering whether there’s enough mutual chemistry between you to merit further conversation (which is all that you can ever really ask).

More than Words

Picking up women is less about the words coming out of your mouth and more about the unspoken communications coming from your body language. Body language can make the difference between a “Yes” and a “No”, between a smiling nod and a cold shoulder.

Your body language conveys how relaxed or nervous you are, how confident or insecure you are, how genuine or fake you’re being. A woman can tell more from the way you hold yourself when you approach her and talk to her than she ever can from your choice of words.

Do you stand tall, shoulders back, chest out, hands at your sides, make eye contact and smile? Or do you meekly slouch up to her, shoulders sloped, chest caved in, fidgeting with your hands, looking pensive, hesitant, and anywhere but directly into her eyes? The former might get you a date. The latter may get you a humiliating laugh.

Take Her Off that Pedestal

Of course, learning the proper and improper ways to hold yourself is easy when you’re at home and can practice in front of a mirror, but all that diligent effort typically falls by the wayside when you’re facing a gorgeous stranger. Suddenly you forget all your dating training, and you become nothing more than a bundle of want. That want is an instant and total turn-off.

The way, then, to ensure that your body language is as inviting and attractive as possible, even when you’re completely unable to recall the specific tips you’ve learned, is to put your attachment to achieving some result (namely: getting this girl’s number) out of your mind.

Remove the expectations, the goal, the objective, the prize from your mind, and all that’s left is you and her.

If approaching her holds no more weight to you than ordering a cheeseburger, if you’re just going about your day and just happen to be taking a moment out to strike up a conversation with a stranger, you’re much more likely to behave naturally, an attractive demeanor by any measure.

One major reason why so many men fail in their efforts to win the interest of a woman is that they try too hard. They pay an inappropriate compliment. They ask an irrelevant question. They ramble on endlessly with some unsolicited information about themselves. None of this would happen if the guy didn’t care so much whether or not the woman liked him, whether or not his pick-up attempts were “good enough”.

So take it down a notch. Don’t make it seem like your whole life depends on winning her approval. Don’t be a dog, be a man. If she’s interested, she’s interested. If not, so what? You’re no worse off than if you had never approached her in first place. At least you gave it a shot, and for that, whether successful or not, you should feel good about yourself. Better than if you’d done nothing at all.

The Most-Effective Pick-Up Line Ever

You ready? You may be surprised…

It’s “Hi”.

That’s all. Nothing fancy. Nothing contrived, nothing practiced and artificial. Just an opening.

Then you can introduce yourself. Hopefully she’ll return the courtesy. If not, you’ve got a pretty clear indication that you’re not going to get anywhere with her. If she does tell you her name, then Congratulations! you’ve just broken the ice.

From there you can take it anywhere. The top 3 contenders are:
1. Make an observation about your environment
2. Ask a (complimentary) question about something she’s wearing, carrying, or some other part of her appearance.
3. Ask her for a woman’s perspective on a question you’ve been pondering.

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Listed: November 7, 2008 4:08 pm