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Female Attraction Road Blocks and Land Mines


I once heard an analogy that that really made my mind twist up as I tried over and over to disprove (to no avail.) Some guy was talking about trees and cars, and he covered his point well by stating that almost all the cars involved in single car accidents that veer off the road end up wrapped around a tree.

He asked us why and of course we all sat there with blank stares on our faces. “It’s simple,” he explained, “Whatever you’re looking at, you’re going to hit.” It’s true. When we look directly at one particular area, whether it’s because we want to hit or because we don’t want to hit it, it is exactly where we end up.

The same idea applies to the goals or aspirations we stare at in life. What we tell ourselves, what we convince ourselves is true, and what we believe about others and ourselves determines our actions and behaviors and drives us straight toward where we are staring.

When we tell ourselves that a woman we are lusting after is simply too good for us, then we have absolutely determined that we will never be with her. When we tell ourselves that we don’t stand a chance, we take our own chances away. When we quantify ourselves based on labels and stereotypes, we limit our capabilities. When we set up land mines and road blocks in our minds, our self defeating intentions win, hands down, every time.

The assumptions we make about others has the same limiting capabilities. When we look at a woman that seems, at least on the surface, like she could be everything we ever wanted and determine that she is so cool that her heart is probably already occupied by someone else, we immediately have determined that we are not in her future. We haven’t really given it a chance or haven’t even really tried to figure out if our assumptions are true. We have been taught along the way that certain women are attracted to certain types of guys. This isn’t always the case.

How often have we seen a beautiful, confident, and intelligent woman and looked at the guy she just married and asked ourselves why? The only reason why is because he didn’t limit himself to stereotypes and thought patterns that were terribly destructive. In his relationship, he decided that he was just as valuable as everyone else and went for it. Who knows? His “nerdiness” or geekiness” might serve him very well not only at the bank, but in bed as well.

Of course, breaking out of these land mines, road blacks, and self destructive intentions requires a little more in depth effort than reading an article, no matter how well written. Often is means we have to start changing our whole thought processes and even re-evaluate where we stand on our self image. While pop-psychology might be able to help us determine our own childhood misgivings, the real work comes from within.

It takes a little practice to determine when we are judging ourselves right out of the ballgame. It takes a lot of self awareness to be able to determine when we are habitually relying on our own self destructive thoughts are getting in our way again.

As children we learned to respect adults. Therefore when the adults in our lives decided to tell us their unflattering opinion of us, we respected their opinion. As adults now, we have forgotten that we are not required to accept the opinions of others. Instead, we have the power to decide for ourselves who we are and what we are all about and become good with our own choices.

After a lifetime of listening to those who aren’t into us let us in on their little secret, tuning out the negative self talk we have learned as our truth might seem rather intimidating. But really, if we think about it, we can’t be made to feel anything about ourselves. We can choose to listen to one opinion over another. If a drunk on the street approaches us and asks us for money, and then proceeds to tell us what a loser we are when we honestly explain that we don’t have any we choose not listen to his opinion of us. But when our boss, our parents, our girlfriends, and our friends tell us that we are losers, we take their opinion rather seriously. In that scenario we choose whose opinion we listen to.

The opinion that counts the most is our own, and the opinion we have of ourselves counts enough that we should make it work for us. By choosing to tell ourselves positive messages and choosing to use self talk as a positive experience, we can ultimately retrain ourselves not to accept the judgments of others as our truth.

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Listed: July 18, 2008 9:53 am