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Eight Steps to Finding Love – The 2009 Dating Plan


New Year’s Eve is coming fast. You’ll blow the horns, make a few toasts and get streamers in your hair. It’ll be another New Year’s Party with no one you really want to kiss at midnight. No love to share it all with. Looking forward to that?

Well, you can change your love life by following a whole new dating plan for this coming year. You can make a resolution right now, right here as you read this article to find new love. At this moment your chances of meeting the love of your life could be better than ever! The average marriage now lasts under seven years and this means new singles are coming on the scene all the time. In fact, around sixteen million people are now using online dating in the U.S. You have a lot of partners to choose from.

So go on, make the affirmation. Something like, I create a new love that is just right for me. Here is an eight-step love advice action plan that can make your resolution a reality in 2009:

1. Prioritize Finding Love

Imagine if you didn’t have a job and needed money—looking for one would be your absolute top priority. You would spend hours posting and searching sites like monster.com; scanning the want ads; calling recruiters; asking your friends; and jumping on any leads.

In contrast, despite being alone, finding love ranks pretty low on your to do list. You come home from work, run errands, answer some emails, call your friends, play with the dog, watch your favorite show, and maybe spend 15 minutes browsing your online dating site. Most of you are better at planning your weekend or vacation than planning your dating life. If you are truthful with yourself, the activities associated with creating a relationship are nowhere near the top of your priority list.

Yet study after study has shown that relationships are treasured above all else when we reflect on what has meant the most in our lives. So make finding love a top priority.

2. Have A ‘New You’ Party

Order a bunch of pizzas or something simple like Chinese food. Invite all your friends to come over for a ‘New You’ party where they give you a ‘makeover.’ Have them go through your clothes and accessories, getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot new looks for you. Ask them for referrals to great hair salons or clothing shops. Find a look that makes you feel great.

Don’t feel like you are imposing—there is usually nothing that your friends like more than giving you advice! Of course, tell them you are looking to meet someone special and to keep you in mind. Email the same message to any other buddies who did not make the party.

3. Work Your Online Dating Program

Throw out your old photo and profile. Have a friend who is a good photographer, make that a great photographer, take 100 headshots of you in order to get one that looks especially warm, attractive and inviting. Get some opposite-sex friends to help you pick out the best photo and work on your profile. After you post them spend at least three hours a week looking around the site, sending and responding to messages and connecting by phone and in person with people. Block out time in your daily calendar to work the program.

4. Go Where the Odds are Better

Sign up for two on-going classes/activities that interest you that have lots of potential partners in them—for example: finance, investing and leadership at your local college’s School of Continuing and Professional Studies; rock-climbing and golfing; snowboarding/skiing; hiking; and wine tasting are great for meeting men. Women are plentiful at cooking, growth, spirituality or yoga courses. Coed city sports teams are great and usually have an even mix of genders. There are many other activities, classes and clubs to consider so search online on any topic plus the name of a major city near you. Or go to www.meetup.com and peruse their groups. Also, if you’re so inclined, look into volunteering for a local or national political group.

5. Meet New People

Find and say hello to three new men or women every day. Assuming you are in a safe or public place, make eye contact, smile, say ‘Hi,’ or ask for some help. This is what I call the Marcia Cross Technique. Actress Marcia Cross was in her forties when she met her husband by chatting with him in a flower shop. She now is the ecstatic mother of twin baby girls.

If you don’t encounter a lot of men or women in your daily routine, make sure to try a new grocery store, dry cleaners, pharmacy or coffee/sandwich shop at lunch. You can start with saying hello to the less threatening types and work your way up to the ones who are “out of your league.” You will be surprised how receptive the hotties can be!

6. Date Against Type

Most people do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves. The guy who only wants a petite blonde winds up with a brainy brunette. The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer. Look at photos and profiles that you would ordinarily take a quick pass on. If you always go for the sleek metrosexual, give the Midwesterner who just moved to your town a try. If you go for the hotties, try someone who is has a heart of gold and maybe only a B on looks. Try and experiment. You may be very happily surprised!

7. Go For A Second Date

Even if you are not exactly blown away by a person at the first date, remember to stay open. You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his/her different sides. If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Love almost always comes in a surprise package.

8. Open The Door

If you do meet someone and have a really good time, send a quick text or email the next morning to let the person know that the door is open to getting together again. This is especially important for women to do. Write something specific about the date that points to the connection between the two of you or refers to something you both loved. For example, if you went to a comedy show, write a message that refers to a particular joke you both enjoyed and add, “Let’s do it again sometime.”

Now you have your love resolution and plan. Most importantly commit to the first step and make this work Priority One in your life. Then follow the recommended program to create the love you want in the coming year. Chances are, by next New Year’s Eve you’ll be kissing the one you want. For the latest research on creating love that is just right for you read my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

psychologist, dr. diana kirschner, appeared on oprah and is a frequent guest on the today show. for 25 years she has helped thousands of single women find love. her acclaimed new book is love in 90 days: the essential guide to finding your own true love. for her etips, blog, dating articles, daily affirmations discussion forum visit http://www.lovein90days.com

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Listed: October 31, 2008 8:08 pm