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Avoid Dating Fatigue

Dating fatigue happens a lot. And that’s too bad. Because many miss out on meeting the person they could really have build a life with.

Why? Simply because they let the dating rigmarole run them ragged. Once depressed and wounded, they close their minds and hearts to real possibilities. Some begin the next date with an attitude of negativity and disappointment that suffocates all hope.

Others simply stop dating, and they do it one date before they might have met Mr. or Ms. Quite Right. They don’t know that, of course, and it’s a good thing they don’t.

The worst part is, once stopped, one of two things often happen. They let that stop become permanent. Or they start again from scratch, making the same mistakes—or worse—because they keep the anger and embitterment developed during their “Dating Shutdown.”

How to avoid all that?

Try these:

1.Know what you’re looking for deep down. No long lists of characteristics, eye colors, and bank-account sums. Start with the essence. What kind of person are you looking for? Who do you believe you could spend your life with? Begin with this thought: “I could spend my life with someone who…”

2.Know what and whom you want to avoid. “I couldn’t spend my life with someone who…”

3.Notice if there’s a long list for #2 and a short list for #1. That often means you know lots about who you don’t want and little about who you do want. Ask yourself how you can reverse that situation.

4.Don’t date just to date. Do mix with new groups, different sorts of people, various activities, and do ask your friends to help you meet their friends. No fix-ups, just casual hanging out for starters.

5.Enjoy everyone you meet as a person first.

6.Build yourself into a person you would really like to hang out with.

7.Believe that when you’re ready to date, you’ll know it. It may not come as a feeling that says “Hey! I want to get back in cir-cu-la-tion!” Most of my clients report that it’s a quieter, more subtle feeling that says, “I’d like to go out with X” or “I want t get to know more about Y.”

8.Know your limit. It’s like drinking. Some people want to schedule incessant dates from Thursday night to Sunday night. Others want to get to know someone instead of auditioning a crowd. Discover your style and respect it.

9.Take breaks when needed. Savor each date or meeting. Learn about yourself and use that in your next encounter. You’ll have more quality encounters that way.

Most important, allow yourself to have fun. Don’t look to score the big hit. Nudge yourself to experience, grow and learn along the way. It will make the next relationship a higher quality one that may turn out to be a keeper. ©2008 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.

wendy lapidus-saltz is a mind coach who uses hypnosis and other techniques to help people break unproductive habits of thought and action, and create productive new ones. based in chicago and an expert at phone sessions, she specializes in smoking-cessation and issues of love and relationship. for more info on her programs visit http://www.nonsmoker4life.com and http://www.hypno-attraction.com or call 312-640-1584 for a brief consultation during business hours, central time.

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Listed: May 7, 2008 12:10 pm